S ometimes an event can happen in our lives that catches us so unawares that it shakes our entire foundation and causes us to question who we are. It can be just about anything that disrupts the normal course of our days. Something from our work, something to do with health or family, what ever it is, the initial event can hit us like a truck, broadsiding our very safe and comfortable world. These unexpected events are often called “bumps in the road”.
I recently experienced some really negative feedback, it came totally out of the blue and I reacted badly. I knew I wasn’t handling it very well, but I couldn’t seem to pull myself together, maintain my composure and take it in stride. I even forgot to ask my inner guides for support. As a result I was affected with a serious case of self doubt, felt totally unworthy, and developed a weeklong headache. During a massage to ease the tension my massage therapist said my neck and head muscles were acting like I had been hit along the side of my head. That got me to thinking, in truth I had been broadsided. The message bearer was sitting on my right side and evidently I was trying to protect myself from the assult.
This affected me so viscerally that I still carry some of. I tried everything I could to fix the symptoms because they were so uncomfortable. What I failed to do was look for the truth in the experience and my part in it This has shown me I can’t hide from myself and my emotions, if I must cry, than its OK to cry. In this instance I felt so wounded, I was unable to get a handle on my emotions and as a result it affected me to the extreme. I resisted the message, he message bearer and my part in it.
What do we do when we come upon that occasional bump in the road? As the Borg on Star Trek would say, “ resistance is futile”. It only makes it worse. We can’t be victims, or even briefly play that role of the victim no matter how good it feels. We may receive moments of sympathy, but it doesn’t solve anything. Resistance is really uncomfortable, the pain is intense, accepting change in yourself and your world is really hard. Moving out of the known and comfortable world, into the unknown and uncomfortable takes tremendous courage. There is really no choice, do you continue to resist, or do you embrace the change and look at how it can benefit you? What can be learned and from this painful experience? At the end of the day, you still have to live with yourself, and know that the only thing you can change is you and by changing you, you do change that bump to a new possibility and the opportunity for real growth.
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I am filled with love, hope and gratitude. I am so proud to be a witness to this uplifting change.
foothills of the San Gabriel Valley; it is surrounded on one side by the mountains that are part of the Angeles National Forest, and by the greater Los Angeles Basin on all others. This town has a quaint downtown, no stop lights, and an eclectic mix of shops and restaurants. In the center of town, there is a banner that changes weekly letting everyone know about community activities. Most of the people live here because of the location and proximity to the big city, and the fact that it feels small. I love to hike, and I spend a lot of time with my dogs in the local hills behind Sierra Madre. There is a lovely monastery/retreat site right on the edge of the town and the national forest. Wandering the perimeter of the monastery often brings me behind the buildings and onto a small ridge that gives a magnificent view of the entire Los Angeles Basin. This is a perfect place to sit, reflect and dream. One day as I was looking at the beauty of the view, it struck me, this monastery is on the edge: in the city and not in the city. At that moment it seemed like a metaphor for me, and who I am. 
